Because its Unicorn Friday~BLUE MOON

Once in a Blue Moon you wishes might just come true and you get to be apart of two worlds at once.  Find your balance and own your worlds.

 

Gypsy Witch Wednesday~ Selenophilia

Put on all your moonstones, it's a few nights before a full "BLUE" moon and she is watching you.



Mermaid Monday~Mer-Bitches

Today, I just honestly want to find a lagoon and just hang out with my mer-bitches.

Because It's Unicorn Friday~TGIF!

 

Because... we all have had one of those weeks before.

Gypsy Witch Wednesday~ Creation

 To the failed Los Angeles Eros of mine.

 

I can see just who you are
You are you are the missing part
The only living boy left in the world

What’s the city done to you?
You’re walking down Fifth Avenue
You’re looking for salvation in a girl.

If you get what you receive,

It comes down to what you believe
Do you believe you’re someone she can love?

Life is like a loaded gun,
Point it at the lonely ones
 Will the final bullet be enough?

You’re the creation
You’re the reason
You’re the rising sun and the colors in my mind

You’re the changing of the seasons
You’re the growing old and the passing of the time

You live
You learn
You laugh
You cry
And you can never get enough

You drink
You dance
You fight
You die
And maybe you believe in love

Maybe you believe in love…

I know who you want to be
You want to be good company
But everything you say gets turned around

So you decide to be alone
You disconnect your telephone
And run off to some place you can’t be found

Everybody needs a friend
Who will love you in the end
Can you be somebody they can trust?

Change your mind and change your life
Find yourself a pretty wife
And be a man
Until you turn to dust

You’re the creation,
You’re the reason
You’re the rising sun and the colors in my mind

You’re the changing of the seasons
You’re the growing old and the passing of the time

You live
You learn
You laugh
You cry
And you can never get enough

You drink
You dance
You fight
You die
And maybe you believe in love,

Maybe you believe in love…

~The Pierces

Mermaid Monday~Tinder

Tinder is getting more eccentric with my matches.  More accurate, but more eccentric.

Because its Unicorn Friday~ Unicorn Life

I didn't choose the Unicorn Life, the Unicorn Life chose me.

 

Episiotomy vs. ANY OTHER OPTION ON THE PLANET!

 



 

Dear 40 year old white male who married a woman 20 years younger, who works at Whole Foods and looks like he is made of farts, who is telling me how wrong I am because I don’t want to have a “Natural Birth.”,

Go fuck yourself. 

Sincerely,

Someone who knows vagina’s better than you.

Let me set the scene of this wonderful experience that made me the number one advisory to episiotomies and the symbolic huge assholes that support them.

Chicago, Illinois, winter (so it could be any 9 out of the 12 months of the year) I go to my roommate’s coworker/friend’s birthday party, where all of the attendees are “chef’s” at Whole Foods or other Midwest wannabes with inferiority complexes, like a photographer who hated taking pictures of people. Now, I have worked with a lot of actors, artists, writers and just plain horrible people over the years, but I can say that I have never seen a more self-degrading group, with ego driven males, validation seeking females in all my life, and I went to a Woman’s Liberal Arts College.  This group of “chef’s”, I use the term loosely because most of them are just running the cheese counter, handing out samples, and heating up left overs for the mindless zombie hipsters and yuppies that want to spend money far beyond their means for the fade food of the time….I lost my train of thought.  Yes, this group of “chefs’” had such a thick air of pretention around them that they were judging their beer like a sommelier and  showing off their knife tattoos like they are some sort of ninja cook, that just got back from some walk about/vision quest, who had this epiphany of how to make sweet potato fries a gourmet appetizer, in which we ALL KNOW that you are just going to go home and dump a whole bottle of ranch dressing on your leftovers, stuffing your face while crying, sounding like Liza Minnelli, “MAMA! Do you love me now, mama??”  I scan the room with distain and for safety purposes I order a Stella… They accept me into the group.

Being raised as I was, I have a natural skill of gab and mingling as well as feigning interest, though I was cautious with this clan of foodies, which, I honestly thought if one CONSUMED food you were a foodie and not a breatharian…google it, it’s a real thing. Self-proclaimed titles are the first sign of arrogance. As the evening went on the birthday boy and I finally had a grand meeting in which I politely wished him a happy birthday and congratulated him on his soon to be baby/family at 40. A little background on the Mr. Fart and his child bride. Like I said, this man looked like a cloud of farts who’s hot air of pretention carried him around the room through the crowed his lap dogs of friends and his wife, who was INDEED 20 years younger than him. She was a “natural beauty”, which at the time meant a tall, unkempt hair, with blue eyes, who was a giant and didn’t bath regularly and had foot odder.  Even though there was a huge age difference, the two were made for each other because their “natural” body smells mingled so well that it smelled similar to that of an artisan cheese you would find at Whole Foods, three year old aged Gouda perhaps.

 

However, there is always something in my mind when a man marries/partners someone that young that makes me sick and makes me think, “You’ve masturbated to a lot of Anime porn haven’t you?” and “I don’t think you should coach any sort of little league sport, EVER, in your life and just register as a sex offender now to avoid the middle man.” In the man’s defense they always seems to use the term “baggage”.  They didn’t want to marry a woman with “baggage” and young women don’t have “baggage”.  In which I laugh because, sir, you just BECAME their “BAGGAGE”.  Or my favorite excuse, “It’s natural and evolutionary to ONLY want someone that young.” Oh, ok, cool. So you are just like, one step up from a raping party in a baboon gang bang troop, good for you.  In all reality it’s about control, Freud. Let’s not try to romanticize your societal acceptance of pedophilia, let us all be honest and just come out and say it. Either your baby boomer mother did a number on you with your ego and entitlement or a male relative/family friend molested you as a child and you need to keep women under your thumb to feel any sort of self-worth and get off by being called “daddy”. This is how we see you and this is how we know you.  So guys, don’t date someone ten years or more your junior, is nauseating.

 I digress.  As the conversation went on with Mr. Fart, who, up until now, was a clear closet misogynist, most Midwest men are, was trying to tell me about natural birth, vulvas, female g spots and how enlightened he feels by going to spawning Lamaze classes with his wife.  I needed another drink. It was like I was talking to a born again Christian, while being Christian all your life, I have heard it all before. Literally, you are preaching to the choir.  “YES, ok, I get it, God is good. Settle down, you are distracting Jesus over there and he has to turn water into more alcohol for you beer belly Chicago people.”

At this time in my life I was 25 and I have been menstruating for over ten years at this point, as well as exams, other female family members having children, other female family having female oriented issues/surgeries and going to DOCTORS (KEY WORD HERE. MEDICAL DOCTORS).  I KNOW my reproductive body better than YOU OR ANYONE. So I say to Mr. Fart something along the lines that I will HAVE to be cut one of two ways and I choose to have a C-section, all the women in my family have C-sections, I CANNOT have a natural birth, I was a twin and we were not a natural birth. My point was made clear.

Mr. Fart proceeds to TRY to SHAME me and tell me how wrong I am by not having a natural birth. What a horrible woman I am by not doing what nature intend for bringing forth life and shit. He tells me that he has “Seen Asian women smaller than me have natural birth.”  First, racist. Second, confirms he has watched Anime porn. Third, YOU’RE NOT A FUCKING DOCTOR! Size of the body compared to reproductive organs has NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING!  It’s about the individual’s BODY and IF they can have a natural birth.  Remember? Back in the day when women, would, like you know, DIE in child birth?!?!?!? That’s me, that’s my family, that’s my body.  Just because this fuck had a few LAMAZE classes he is now a “medical expert”????? This guy was so CONDITIONED by the skeleton in his high school biology class that he honestly believed that everyone’s inside make up were the same.  His ignorance was overwhelming. Just because you can break a few eggs and make an omelet doesn’t mean you know shit about the female reproductive process and what I should be doing with my ovaries.  I was choking on my own rage at this point.  Then the Mr. Fart proceeded to tell me, “Don’t you feel horrible that you don’t have a good relationship with your mother and aren’t close to her because you were a C-section baby?”

For the record, I have a great relationship with both my parents, regardless of any medical history. And far more this guy JUST met me. He ASSUMED the worst because some new age yoga teacher posing as a medical guru brain washed him into believing that notion as well as this universal body bull shit and he lapped it up like a dehydrated puppy.  I simply respond, “Well, I’m sure I have a closer relationship with my mom than your with your mom because my mom is, you know, still alive, and yours, is, what? Dead?” And I walked away to talk to the photographer who thought taking pictures of Big Macs made him someone of importance.

The audacity.

A few months later we attend a Christmas party the Fart’s were throwing and naturally I attend for the assumption of artisan cheeses and level one wine paring, in which I was correct, nothing complimented anything enough to stick out my mind. I asked about the birth since they now had spawned and he had made such a big deal about how he was SOOOOO enlightened, I thought it would be cordial to inquire.  The beauty of a self-entitled, drunk, rude, Midwest man is that he is not going to be discrete. His eyes darken and he dropped the “E” word. EPISIOTOMY! Mrs. Fart was cut from her V to her A and you could tell that Mr. Fart still heard in his nightmares the leather slitting sound it made when the doctors cut her and then…her screams.  I turn to see Mrs. Fart, who was attending her other guests and her natural exotic old world glow was GONE.  Everything from her hair to her skin to her eyes were a yellowish grey, jaundice almost.  He stole her light, Mr. Fart stole her light and worse he stole her YOUTH.  She looked like she aged 20 years to match him. Inside of me little chimes and bells were dining away with validation of how right I was.  Mr. Fart was now her “baggage”.  An angel got their wings that Christmas.

And, side note, you have a penis...don't EVER think you can talk to any woman about their reproductive organs.  Cow down in your ignorance. Don't EVEN approach me on that subject.

The point here is this; don’t tell me what to do with my vagina, especially if you are NOT A DOCTOR or a licensed vajazzle technician! I don’t care how many fucking media outlets/articles/book you have read how many yoga or belly dancing classes you took, how many tribes in the Rain Forest you have lived with, how much research you have done on Neanderthal births millions of years ago, how many crystals you have lined up with the moon, or how many kids you have popped out, DO NOT JUDGE ME ON MY CHOICE OF BIRTH OPTION. I have had so many female friends tell me that I have to have a natural birth and that I will be fine.  YOU DON’T KNOW IF I WILL BE FINE! YOU DON’T KNOW!

One of my ex’s sisters was a moose, like seriously, she could have been the moose on the opening credits of the show Northern Exposure; I mean I could have walked out of her doing cartwheels with no problem. She was pitching the natural birth thing and in the end she had to have an episiotomy. In which we all found out about by their drunk creepy uncle at Christmas who was telling everyone about their lack of sex due to the “cut”…joy to the world, that family’s fucked up. I had a friend tell me a story about someone she knew who had a C-section and an epidural and how “horrible” it was to go to sleep pregnant and then wake up and not be pregnant… Oh, so you didn’t go through pain, ripping skin and shitting all over your new born in front of strangers and your husband.  Well here let my kick you in your box a few hundred times to help you associate pain with your offspring.  Why wait until their teens when your marriage dissolves. Yes kids, it IS all your fault. The best was when a friend told me if I had a C-section, for the rest of my life, my abs would be shot. Well, God-Fucking-Damn-It!  I guess I will never make the U.S. Olympic team for sit ups…She and I don’t have the same priorities. 

Just, let me spawn the way I want to spawn, be it my preference of cutting, drugs, if I want a sergeant, or bigfoot to deliver it in the woods, or if I want to grow it in a tube in Japan and have them to deliver the humanoid.  Don’t come at me with your stories about how beautiful it is either because not everyone has the same taste in beauty.  For instance, I love the work of Salvador Dali, but I hate Dutch art, like seriously, with a passion I HATE Dutch art. I mean come on, what are THEY trying to prove with 18 shades of black? And PLEASE, I beg you, don’t tell me your personal story of enlightenment of the birth of your child and the connection you have and the “instant love” you received.  You know what that “instant love is”? It’s a chemical, a chemical in your body that has evolved inside of the woman’s brain so you don’t kill/eat your baby. It’s a chemical to make sure the species survives because if you didn’t have that and were in the right state of mind, you would know what horrible thing you have plagued upon the earth, your life and what this parasite of society did to your body. Don’t try to convince me to go your way of being “natural” just so I can also end up with a Scarface magic triangle just so you don’t have to be alone with your Frankenstein clam, with all the stitches and scars, or a horrible resentful marriage/partnership that mirrors yours because of your “natural’ choices, with ungrateful dependents that will take the best years of your life. Please, let ME learn from YOUR mistakes.

Namaste

I may have rambled at the end there...

~B.L.G., have me with tomatoes. I’m delicious.



Gypsy Witch Wednesday~Trust No Bitch

 

Come on ladies, lets get smarter than this...

BURN

As if two passengers on two different flights

I have to remember that it's your life

We crashed and burned into the fire of night

 

From the wreckage I found you in that false light

You said you needed time, I needed space

Out of the pyre we formed what we thought was right

 

 

Mixed emotions, senses numbed, the absence of sight

We both lied to save one another from the true feelings

We crashed and burned into the fire of night

 

"I respect you, you're Godly, brilliant and bright."

With lies on both sides, I hesitate to swallow more of your words

Out of the pyre we formed what we thought was right

 

Engulfed in flames, singed hearts, burnt souls, we say goodnight

I have given you time, you my space

We crashed and burned into the fire of night.

 

Coming with the morning sun, the revelation of true sight

I have to remember that its my life, my regret

Out of the pyre we formed what we thought was right

 

I know now that I lost you in the plane crash that night

Wishing to remember what we were, but wanting to forget that flight

We crashed and burned into the fire of night

Out of the pyre we formed what we thought was right
~B.L.G.

Mermaid Monday~Zodiac Cancer

Mermaid Monday cross over with some Unicorns from Friday to celebrate the Zodiac sign Cancer. Love it when summer is in full swing.

Rest in peace Omar Sharif~the Last Romantic.

"Romantic? It's a beautiful word. I like it. I think probably I'm sentimental, which is not a beautiful word, but I want to graduate to being romantic." ~Omar Sharif, born Michael Demitri Shalhoub in Alexandria, Egypt, on April 10, 1932. Died in Cairo, Egypt on July 10, 2015.

Because its Unicorn Friday~I love Summer!

This is the tattoo I want to have some day.  Because I always want to be reminded that it's summer somewhere.

Gypsy Witch Wednesday~Happy Birthday to Anjelica Huston

Happy Birthday to this lovely Gypsy Witch, ANJELICA HUSTON! Poise, stoic, grace and brilliance owe her a lot for being the posted child for their definitions.

 

 
 

 

 

 
 
 
 

'Mermaid Monday~Merica 4th of July

I hope everyone had a very patriotic weekend!

AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Because its Unicorn Friday ~4th of July

Proud to be an Unicorn American!



Gypsy Witch Wednesday~Stevie Nicks vs Mr. Burns

 

 I love Gypsy Witch Wednesdays!