A dear friend sent me this link in an email where the only thing she wrote was, "STOP EVERYTHING AND WATCH THIS NOW" Which was quickly followed by her texting me to see if I was watching this gem.
Where, oh where, to begin on this...
1)My first and only REAL complaint is the lack of Chuck Norris in this commercial.
2)This commercial definitely makes me want to be president of America... and white.
3)All of the servers look like they belong to the HJ, Hitler Youth Program.
4)The put the only black people in this commercial on a black horse on the carousel...REALLY?!?!?!? Oh diversity of the 90's...only by white people standards.
5)I like the sea captain, which I just think is a crazy homeless man who is totally a pedophile creeping on that little girl. In fact, every "sailor" in this add looks like they have sold their body for sex at one point in their lives.
6)Why does no one's clothes fit right? When was it ever cool to buy clothes two sizes too big? Decades at eating at Sizzlers stopped THAT for sure.
7)The shoulder pads!!!! MY GOD THE SHOULDER PADS!!!
8)And hair. The sheer volume of the 90's was insane. No wonder we thought we could "reach new heights"
9)I like the world diversity of the ITALIAN bar????
You can have pasta or ANOTHER type of pasta. Linguine is no longer a taboo in America!
10)I like how the narrator said "you can make choices now", showing nothing but women. "You can choose if want to have salad before or after the meal and also if you want to have an abortion before you go to the dessert bar." This add is Heavy pro-choice.
11)AND WHAT THE HELL WITH THE CHICK EATING DESSERT? What the fuck with the orgasm face? She was totally hitting climax, which puts a new meaning to the phrase, "Cherry on Top", wink wink, nudge nudge.
12)There is so much sex in this commercial I cant believe they put kids in there. Fucking "Small Wonder" freaky looking kids...who are now running this country. FEAR!
13)Oh and the wine, when I think of sizzler, I think of their top quality wine selection. " Please, just leave the boxed champagne at the table my good man."
14)And I LOVED the couple who we snuck up on while he was "snoodeling" her check...I loved the "Come hither...But its going to cost you to watch us" look. wink wink, nudge nudge.
But in all honestly when my friend sent me this I had hoped it meant that she finally got the financial backing that she needed and we were finally going to open up our own Sizzlers in Malibu as the team managers...and this, right here, is the video we were going to show to our quality staff. And we would do it all in an amazing montage to the hit song from Ernest Goes to Camp, Brave Hearts by Gary Chapman.
Also, does Sizzler still exist???
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